Men Talk Women: Ovid and Kanye West

The New Workout Plan

(Ancient Text by Ovid, translated by Rolfe Humphries) and The New Workout Plan (Contemporary Song by Kanye West)

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The Ars Amatoria acts as a guide to love, it answers all the core burning questions of the hopeful lover. Questions such as who to love, how to love, and where to love. So, what musician also takes the time to instruct lovers in the art of love?

Kanye West’s song “The New Workout Plan” acts a similar type of guide for women on how to make themselves attractive to men. This focus on women aligns nicely with book 3 of the Ars – wherein Ovid directly advises women on the art of love. Before diving deeper into the thematic parallels between the song and the book, it should be noted that both of these works are written from the perspective of a man telling women what they need to do to become more desirable, meaning that we end up with highly biased views on erotic/romantic love and the role women play in these loves. Such a similar perspective shows the lasting power of men thinking they should tell women how act to be attractive.

Both artists place upmost importance on how women’s bodies should look. Ovid makes this clear when he says, “Cultivation comes first, the proper care of the body… take pains to improve the endowments that nature has given;” (Ovid, Ars Amatoria, lns. 101-104). West, similarly, believes that women should take care of their bodies, “get them sit ups right/Tuck your tummy tight and do your crunches like this”. West also believes certain pains must be taken to improve one’s physique which is evident when he says, “All you mocha lattes, gotta do Pilates” and “Eat your salad, no dessert, get that man you deserve”. Women must shape themselves into something desirable to men, even at the cost of their own enjoyment, because their natural state is simply not adequate in either of the artists’ times. In a somewhat amusing vein, both men also talk about how women’s breath smells. Ovid’s advice is to “Eat a lozenge or two if you think your breath is offensive… speak from some distance away.” (Ovid, Ars Amatoria, lns. 277-278) while West says, “Ooh girl your breath is harsh!/Cover your mouth up like you got SARS”. This more shows that both cultures take hygiene seriously, but I still found it curious how two artist thousands of years apart mentioned bad breath in their advice to women.

Ovid’s extensive manual to feminine attractive behavior is genuine; his work indicates what he truly believes women should do to take control of their sexuality and romantic lives. West’s more abrasive take (as I have left a great deal more saucy bits out) may be considered satirical – he seems to aptly skewer the immense pressures women are under and all the hoops they have to jump through for love, especially if they want to social climb and end up with men that belong to highly desirable groups such as NBA players (or just dudes with cars). If it is satirical, it is exceptionally well done. If it is genuine, Kanye might have more in common with Ovid than I thought.

Ancient Text Excerpt:

Book 3 Lns 101-104 – “Cultivation comes first, the proper care of the body… So, take pains to improve the endowments nature has given;”
Book 3 Lns 277-278 – “Eat a lozenge or two, if you think your breath is offensive, If you have something to say, speak from some distance away.”

Key Lyrics:

1, and 2, and 3, and 4, and get them sit ups right, and
Tuck your tummy tight and do your crunches like this

Ooh girl your breath is harsh!
Cover your mouth up like you got SARS

Eat your salad, no dessert, get that man you deserve


Click for full lyrics

[Intro]
You just popped in the Kanye West
Get Right for the Summer workout tape
And ladies if you follow these instructions exactly
You might be able to pull you a rapper, a NBA player
Man, at least a dude with a car
So, first of all, we gonna work on the stomach
Nobody wants a little tight ass

[Verse 1]
1, and 2, and 3, and 4, and get them sit ups right, and
Tuck your tummy tight and do your crunches like this
Give head, stop, breathe, get up, check your weave
Don’t drop the blunt and disrespect the weed
Pick up your son and don’t disrespect your seed
It’s a party tonight and ooh she’s so excited
Tell me who’s invited: you, your friends and my dick
(AH!) What’s scary to me is
Henny makes girls look like Halle Berry to me
So excuse me miss, I forgot your name
Thank you, God bless you, good night I came, I came, I came

[Chorus]
It’s been a week without me
And she feel weak without me
She wanna talk it out but
Ain’t nothing to talk about
Unless she’s talking about freaking out
Then maybe we can work it out
Work it out, work it out
Work it out, work it out now
Maybe we can work it out

[Verse 2]
Oh, girl, your silhouette make me wanna light a cigarette
My name Kanye from the Jigga set, Twista said “Get It Wet”
Ooh girl your breath is harsh!
Cover your mouth up like you got SARS
Off them tracks yea I bought them cars
Still, kill a nigga on 16 bars
We ain’t sweating to the oldies, we juking to a cold beat
Maybe one day girl we can bone
So you can brag to all your homies now
But I still mess with a big girl, if you ain’t fit girl, I’ll still hit girl
1 and, you brought 2 friends, ok, 3 more now hop in the Benz
4-door: do you know the difference between a 5, 6, 7, 8?
All the mocha lattes, you gotta do Pilates
You gotta pop this tape in before you start back dating
Hustlers, gangstas, all us ballas

[Chorus]
It’s been a week without me
And she feel weak without me
She wanna talk it out but
Ain’t nothing to talk about
Unless she’s talking about freaking out
Then maybe we can work it out
Work it out, work it out
Work it out, work it out now
Maybe we can work it out

[Interlude]

[Jill]
Hi, my name is Jill, I just want to say thanks to Kanye’s workout plan. I was able to pull a NBA player. And like now I shop every day on Rodeo Drive. I just want to say, thank you Kanye! Woooo! Woooo! Woooo!

[Lasandra]
My name is Lasandra, and I just want to say that ever since listening to Kanye’s workout tape, I was able to get my phone bill paid, I got sounds and 13’s put up in my Cavalier and I was able to get a free trip to Cancun. And what’s most importantly is that I ain’t gotta fuck with Ray-Ray’s broke ass no mo’

[Kanye West]
Work it (mo’)
Juke it (mo’) Pump it (mo’)
Chi-Town (mo’) Let’s go (mo’)

[Ella-May]
My name is Ella-May from Mobile, Alabama, and I just want to say since listening to Kanye’s workout tape, I been able to date outside the family, I got a double wide, and I rode a plane, rode a plane, rode a plane

[Girls]
Thanks to Kanye’s workout plan
I’m the envy of all my friends
See I pulled me a baller man
And I ain’t gotta work at the mall again

[Interlude: Bosko & (Kanye)]
(Lemme break ya wit’ a piece of)
My favorite work out plan (oh! oh! oh!)
I wanna see you work out
(Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah)
I wanna see you work out
(It’s like that old Michael Jackson shit)

[Bridge]
That’s right, put in work, move your ass, go berserk
Eat your salad, no dessert, get that man you deserve

[Interlude: Bosko & (Kanye)]
It’s Kanye’s workout plan
I said it’s Kanye’s workout plan (Ladies and gentlemen)
It’s Kanye’s workout plan (Allow myself to introduce myself)
His workout plan (This time around, I want y’all to clap like this)

[Bridge]
That’s right, put in work
Move your ass, go berserk
Eat your salad, no dessert
Get that man you deserve (Stop!)

[Interlude: Bosko & Kanye]
It’s Kanye’s workout plan (Okay, breathe)
I said it’s Kanye’s workout plan (I know y’all ain’t tired)
It’s Kanye’s workout plan (But I hope not ‘cuz on this one I need ya)
His workout plan (To give me a soul clap, okay?)
(Double time)

[Bridge: GLC & (Kanye)]
That’s right, put in work (Woo!)
Move your ass, go berserk (Ow!)
Eat your salad, no dessert (Ugh!)
Get that man you deserve
That’s right, put in work (Put in work)
Move your ass, go berserk (Go wizzerk)
Eat your salad, no dessert (No dessert)
Get that man you deserve (You hear, ugh)
That’s right, put in work (That’s right put in work)
Move your ass, go berserk (Go wizzerk)
Eat your salad, no dessert (Eat your salad, no dessert)
Get that man you deserve (Woo!)

[Outro: Bosko & (Kanye)]
(Okay, okay, okay, that’s, that’d be good)
(I appreciate your time)
I want to see you work out for me
Whoa, yeah, whoa yeah
Do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do, yo

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